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 | Subject: Falling in Love Online - Good or Bad? Interaction between Men and Women on the Internet – Some Guidelines  Sat Jun 09, 2012 1:30 am | |
| Falling in Love Online - Good or Bad?
By: Ghâdah bint Ahmad Hasan
It is Allah’s blessing to us that we have these technologies today that, if we use them properly, facilitate for us many ways of lawful communication and interaction.
The Internet, with its many features – like Messenger and online forums – has provided young Muslims, both men and women, with an easy way to get to know one another and exchange ideas. There is nothing wrong with this, as long as everything is done with the parents’ full knowledge and oversight. As long as our conversations are in conformity with the dictates and etiquettes of Islamic Law, then they remains upon the default ruling of being lawful.
The Qur’ân gives us the general ruling to be applied when men and women speak with each other: “Be not soft of speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease aspires (to you), but utter customary speech.” [Sûrah al-Ahzâb: 32]
This is evidence that speaking in and of itself is lawful between men and women. The Qur’ân does not provide us with guidelines for doing things that are unlawful!
Nevertheless, frequent conversation can lead single young men and women to start liking each other. Their hearts can become attached. This is part of our human nature, which Allah has placed in us. It is in our makeup. It is naïve to think otherwise and a mistake for anyone to think that he or she is strong enough to resist it. No one is immune.
People differ only in two things: their degree of moral integrity that they exercise when faced with the situation, and the decisions that they make.
This brings us to what must be done when two Muslims find themselves seriously falling in love online. They have two choices:
1. They can decide to stop all communication with one another once they realize that a serious emotional attachment has begun between them, and nip it in the bud.
2. They can start taking the practical and lawful steps with their families to realize their feelings in a lawful way.
In either case, it is unlawful for them, Islamically, to develop and pursue a serious romantic relationship online, since persisting in it will only cause their desire for each other to grow stronger until it overwhelms their ability to reason and make sound decisions. Many scandals have resulted. Many women have become victims of unscrupulous men. At the very least, the couple could develop serious emotional ties that can never fulfilled in a lawful way through a happy marriage, due to the disparity in their social circumstances, their looks, the possibility of their parents’ disapproval, or some other obstacle.
Therefore, once a man and woman who interact with each other via the Internet find that they are emotionally drawn to each other, they must do what is right and proper. The young man should make overtures to the woman’s family and seek from them permission to pursue marriage according to the proper custom. In this way, the future of their relationship will be determined according to the moral dictates of Islam.
There will be either acceptance from the family, in which case we have nothing but praise for the Internet that acted as a means for the wholesome and good Islamic marriage. Or the marriage proposal, after due consideration, will be turned down, while reason still reigns supreme.
Therefore, marriage that results from an initial contact online can be successful or unsuccessful. This depends on how the two people conduct themselves from the start. How they take matters after their interest in each other is kindled makes all the difference in the long run.
And Allah knows best.
Interaction between Men and Women on the Internet – Some Guidelines
By: Sheikh Salman al-Oadah
There are many interactive forums on the Internet, including chat sites and online communities. We need to address the critical question of how Muslim men and women should conduct themselves when they come into contact with one another while participating in these forums.
The following guidelines should be observed by Muslim men and women when interacting with one another on the Internet:
1. Never display photographs under any circumstances.
To start with, photographs are simply not necessary. The written word is more than sufficient. We must also appreciate how photographs can become a great opportunity for Satan to tempt people and make their foul deeds seem fair to them.
Some people might consider such caution misplaced. However, those who understand how people are seduced and tempted and who have experience in dealing with these problems, know that nothing is far-fetched. Moreover, some people who have a sickness in their hearts manage to deceive themselves and others that something which is completely wrong is instead something that is good and that is motivated by the sincerest and noblest intentions.
2. Use typing and avoid audible means of communication.
If, for some reason, using audible media becomes necessary, then we must adhere to Allah's command: “Be not too complaisant of speech, lest one in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire; but speak a speech that is just.” [ Sûrah al-Ahzâb : 32]
This verse was revealed concerning the wives of the Prophet (peace be upon him). If this was the case for them, we can appreciate how much more it must apply to us. Moreover, that was during the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him) while we are living in the age of permissiveness and promiscuity.
3. Maintain a serious tone and focus in conversation.
We must not get involved in talking at length about things that are unnecessary and unjustified. In truth, many people get a thrill out of merely speaking with the opposite sex, regardless of what the subject might be. Some men just like to hear a pretty voice. Likewise, since women are indeed the full sisters of men, they also find pleasure in speaking with men.
Our tone should be serious. We should avoid all that is superfluous and frivolous.
4. Remain vigilant at all times.
Those who we meet on the Internet are, for the most part, apparitions. Men come online posturing as women and women often misrepresent themselves as men. Then, there are so many things we do not know about the other person. What is his ideology? What is his background? What country is he from? What is his line of work? What are his real intentions? All of these things are unknown.
I wish to call the attention of our honored sisters to the dangers that experience has shown us to be ever present in these situations. Many young women are quick to believe what others tell them and are very susceptible to sweet words. Such people are easy victims for the predator who lays out his trap. One moment, he is a sincere advisor, another the victim crying out for someone to save him, then he is the lonely man looking for someone with whom to share the rest of his life, the next moment he is the sick man looking for a cure…
5. Muslim women who work with the Internet should keep in close contact with one another.
They need to develop strong channels of communication so they can lend a degree of support to each other in this important and possibly dangerous field of endeavor. They need to cooperate closely and share their experiences and expertise. A person standing alone is weak, but standing with others she is strong.
Allah says: “By time! Surely the human being is at loss. Except for those who have faith and do righteous deeds and exhort one another to truth and exhort one another to patience.” [ Sûrah al-`Asr ]
Abû Mulaykah al-Dârimî narrates: “It was the practice among the Prophet's Companions, that if two of them met, they would not depart from one another without one of them reading Sûrah al-`Asr to the other. Then one of them would greet the other with peace.” [ al-Mu`jam al-Awsat (5120) and Shu`ab al-Îm ân (9057)]
I also advise our Muslim sisters to focus most of their attention and their efforts on calling other women to Islam and enjoining them to righteousness. They should use this valuable medium to assist and serve their sisters and to reform them. This should be done indirectly, subtly, and with wisdom. Too direct an approach, when giving advice, often causes the other party to become angry, confrontational, and obstinate. This is because the person giving advice comes off as seeming high-handed and arrogant, while the one being advised feels shamed and belittled. Therefore, be gentle in your choice of words, good-natured, attentive, and forbearing. This makes the receiving party more conductive to receiving your advice and less likely to spurn it.
Source: Islam Today | |
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