Examples of Consensual Decision Making
The mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years, (that is) for those (parents) who desire to complete the term of suckling, but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother's food and clothing on a reasonable basis. No person shall have a burden laid on him greater than he can bear. No mother shall be treated unfairly on account of her child, nor father on account of his child. And on the (father's) heir is incumbent the like of that (which was incumbent on the father). If they both decide on weaning, by mutual consent, and after due consultation, there is no sin on them. And if you decide on a foster suckling-mother for your children, there is no sin on you, provided you pay (the mother) what you agreed (to give her) on reasonable basis. And fear Allah and know that Allah is All-Seer of what you do. (Al Baqara 2: 233)
Attitudes towards Women
O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will, and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the Mahr you have given them, unless they commit open illegal sexual intercourse. And live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good. (An-Nisa 4:19)
Collaboration and Consultation
The believers, men and women, are Auliya' (helpers, supporters, friends, protectors) of one another, they enjoin (on the people) Al-Ma'ruf (i.e. Islamic Monotheism and all that Islam orders one to do), and forbid (people) from Al-Munkar (i.e. polytheism and disbelief of all kinds, and all that Islam has forbidden); they perform As-Salat (Iqamat-as-Salat) and give the Zakat, and obey Allah and His Messenger. Allah will have His Mercy on them. Surely Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise. (At-Tawba 9:71)
Spiritual Equality of Women and Men
Verily, the Muslims (those who submit to Allah in Islam) men and women, the believers men and women (who believe in Islamic Monotheism), the men and the women who are obedient (to Allah), the men and women who are truthful (in their speech and deeds), the men and the women who are patient (in performing all the duties which Allah has ordered and in abstaining from all that Allah has forbidden), the men and the women who are humble (before their Lord Allah), the men and the women who give Sadaqat (i.e. Zakat, and alms, etc.), the men and the women who observe Saum (fast) (the obligatory fasting during the month of Ramadan, and the optional Nawafil fasting), the men and the women who guard their chastity (from illegal sexual acts) and the men and the women who remember Allah much with their hearts and tongues (while sitting, standing, lying, etc. for more than 300 times extra over the remembrance of Allah during the five compulsory congregational prayers) or praying extra additional Nawafil prayers of night in the last part of night, etc.) Allah has prepared for them forgiveness and a great reward (i.e. Paradise). (Al-Ahzab 33:35)
Women's Right to Attend Mosques
Narrated Ibn Umar: The Prophet, sal Allahu alayhi wa salam, said, "Allow women to go to the Mosques at night." (Bukhari, Book 2, Volume 13, Hadith 22)
Narrated Ibn Umar: One of the wives of Umar (bin Al-Khattab) used to offer the Fajr and the 'Isha' prayer in congregation in the Mosque. She was asked why she had come out for the prayer as she knew that Umar disliked it, and he has great ghaira (self-respect). She replied, "What prevents him from stopping me from this act?" The other replied, "The statement of Allah's Messenger, sal Allahu alyhi wa salam: 'Do not stop Allah's women-slave from going to Allah s Mosques' prevents him." (Bukhari Book 2, Volume 13, Hadith 23)
Ibn 'Umar reported: Grant permission to women for going to the mosque in the night. His son who was called Waqid said: Then they would make mischief. He (the narrator) said: He thumped his (son's) chest and said: I am narrating to you the hadith of the Messenger of Allah, sal Allahu alayhi wa salam, and you say: No! (Sahih Muslim, Book 4, Hadith 890)
Ibn Umar reported: The Messenger of Allah, sal Allahu alayhi wa salam, said: Do not deprive women of their share of the mosques, when they seek permission from you. Bilal said: By Allah, we would certainly prevent them. 'Abdullah said: I say that the Messenger of Allah, sal Allahu alayhi wa sala, said it and you say: We would certainly prevent them! (Sahih Muslim, Book 4, Hadith 891)
Yahya related to me from Malik from Yahya ibn Said that Atika bint Zayd ibn Amr ibn Nufayl, the wife of Umar ibn al-Khattab, used to ask Umar ibn al-Khattab for permission to go to the mosque. He would keep silent, so she would say, "By Allah, I will go out, unless you forbid me," and he would not forbid her. (Malik, Book 14, Number 14.5.14)
Women's Right of Permission
Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet, sal Allahu alayhi wa salam, said, "A matron should not be given in marriage except after consulting her; and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission." The people asked, "O Allah's Apostle! How can we know her permission?" He said, "Her silence (indicates her permission)." (Bukhari Book 7, Volume 62, Hadith 67)
Narrated Khansa bint Khidam Al-Ansariya that her father gave her in marriage when she was a matron and she disliked that marriage. So she went to Allah's Messenger, sal Allahu alayhi wa salam, and he declared that marriage invalid. (Bukhari Book 7, Volume 62, Hadith 69)
The Right of Women not to be Forced
Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: Barira's husband was a slave called Mughith, as if I am seeing him now, going behind Barira and weeping with his tears flowing down his beard. The Prophet, sal Allahu alayhi wa salam, said to 'Abbas, "O 'Abbas ! are you not astonished at the love of Mughith for Barira and the hatred of Barira for Mughith?" The Prophet, sal Allahu alayhi wa salam, then said to Barira, "Why don't you return to him?" She said, "O Allah's Apostle! Do you order me to do so?" He said, "No, I only intercede for him." She said, "I am not in need of him." (Bukhari, Book 7, Volume 63, Hadith 206)
Asserting Women's Rights
Ibn Al-Jauzi narrated the virtues and merits of Umar bin Al-Khattab, radi Allahu anhu, in the following words: Umar forbade the people from paying excessive dowries and addressed them saying: "Don't fix the dowries for women over forty ounces. If ever that is exceeded I shall deposit the excess amount in the public treasury". As he descended from the pulpit, a flat-nosed lady stood up from among the women audience, and said: "It is not within your right". Umar asked: "Why should this not be of my right?" She replied: "Because Allah has proclaimed: 'But if you intend to replace a wife by another and you have given one of them a Cantar (of gold i.e. a great amount) as Mahr, take not the least bit of it back; would you take it wrongfully without a right and (with) a manifest sin?'". (An-Nisa 4:20). When he heard this, Umar, radi Allahu anhu, said: "The woman is right and the man (Umar) is wrong. It seems that all people have deeper insight and wisdom than Umar". Then he returned to the pulpit and declared: "O people, I had restricted the giving of more than four hundred dirhams in dowry. Whosoever of you wishes to give in dowry as much as he likes and finds satisfaction in so doing may do so".
Seeking Advice and Comfort
Narrated 'Aisha, radi Allahu anha: ... Then Allah's Apostle returned with the Inspiration and with his heart beating severely. Then he went to Khadija bint Khuwailid and said, "Cover me! Cover me!" They covered him till his fear was over and after that he told her everything that had happened and said, "I fear that something may happen to me." Khadija, radi Allahu anha, replied, "Never! By Allah, Allah will never disgrace you. You keep good relations with your Kith and kin, help the poor and the destitute, serve your guests generously and assist the deserving calamity-afflicted ones." ... (Bukhari Book 1, Volume 1, Hadith 3)
The Characteristics of a Believing Woman
Narrated Abu Huraira, radi Allahu anhu: Allah's Messenger, sal Allahu alayhi wa salam, said: A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another. (Sahih Muslim, Book 8, Number 3469)
The Education of Women
Narrated Abu Said: A woman came to Allah's Apostle and said, "O Allah's Apostle! Men (only) benefit by your teachings, so please devote to us from (some of) your time, a day on which we may come to you so that you may teach us of what Allah has taught you." Allah's Apostle said, "Gather on such-and-such a day at such-and-such a place." They gathered and Allah's Apostle came to them and taught them of what Allah had taught him. He then said, "No woman among you who has lost her three children (died) but that they will screen her from the Fire." A woman among them said, "O Allah's Apostle! If she lost two children?" She repeated her question twice, whereupon the Prophet said, "Even two, even two, even two!" (Bukhari, Book 9, Volume 92, Hadith 413)
About the Treatment of Women
Narrated Mu'awiyah al-Qushayri: I went to the Apostle of Allah, sal Allahu alayhi wa salam, and asked him: "What do you say (command) about our wives?" He replied: "Give them food what you have for yourself, and clothe them by which you clothe yourself, and do not beat them, and do not revile them." (Sunan Abu Dawud, Book 11, Number 2139)
"The best of you is one who is best towards his family and I am best towards the family." (Sunan At-Tirmidhi)
"None but a noble man treats women in an honourable manner. And none but an ignoble treats women disgracefully." (Sunan At-Tirmidhi)
A Husband Must Keep the Privacy of his Wife
Abu Sa'id al-Khudri, radi Allahu anhu, reported that Allah's Messenger, sal Allahu alayhi wa salam, said: The most wicked among the people in the eye of Allah on the Day of judgment is the men who goes to his wife and she comes to him, and then he divulges her secret. (Sahih Muslim, Book 8, Hadith 3369)
The Husband's Attitude
'Umar ibn al-Khattab, radi Allahu anhu, said that a man came to his house to complain about his wife. On reaching the door of his house, he hears 'Umar's wife shouting at him and reviling him. Seeing this, he was about to go back, thinking that 'Umar himself was in the same position and, therefore, could hardly suggest any solution for his problem. 'Umar, radi Allahu anhu, saw the man turn back, so he called him and enquired about the purpose of his visit. He said that he had come with a complaint against his wife, but turned back on seeing the Caliph in the same position. 'Umar, radi Allhu anhu, told him that he tolerated the excesses of his wife for she had certain rights against him. He said, "Is it not true that she prepares food for me, washes clothes for me and suckles my children, thus saving me the expense of employing a cook, a washerwoman and a nurse, though she is not legally obliged in any way to do any of these things? Besides, I enjoy peace of mind because of her and am kept away from indecent acts on account of her. I therefore tolerate all her excesses on account of these benefits. It is right that you should also adopt the same attitude." (Quoted in Role of Muslim Women in Society: Afzular Rahman, page 149)
The Prophet's Disapproval of Women Beaters
Patient behavior was the practice of the Prophet, sal Allahu alayhi wa salam, even when his wife dared to address him harshly. Once his mother-in-law saw her daughter strike him with her fist on his noble chest. When the enraged mother-in-law began to reproach her daughter, the Prophet, sal Allahu alayhi wa salam, smilingly said, "Leave her alone; they do worse than that." And once Abu Bakr, his father-in-law, was invited to settle some misunderstanding between him and Aishah. The Prophet said to her, "Will you speak, or shall I speak?" Aisha said, "You speak, but do not say except the truth." Abu Bakr was so outraged that he immediately struck her severely, forcing her to run and seek protection behind the back of the Prophet. Abu Bakr said, "O you the enemy of herself! Does the Messenger of Allah say but the truth?" The Prophet, sal Allahu alayhi wa salam, said, "O Abu Bakr, we did not invite you for this [harsh dealing with Aishah], nor did we anticipate it." (quoted in: Mutual Rights and Obligations)
And Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, knows best.
Sun Jun 26, 2011 3:03 am